Postpartum body talk from a dietitian with an ED history, eight months into breastfeeding

Written by Emily Edelson

Alright, postpartum body talk.

Was it just me, or did you all also grow up with the myth that pregnancy weight gain is okay because you’ll certainly lose it all while breastfeeding? It can’t only be me.

My daughter started daycare in August and we’ve been sick ever since, which landed me at the doctor’s office yesterday. Being pregnant exposed me to frequent weigh-ins, and that desensitized me to the numbers in a way I’d never experienced before. But I can also see that pregnancy gave me an “acceptable reason” to “allow” myself to gain weight. And I figured I’d never get above my pregnancy weight. Right?

Well. A weight check yesterday, and I am higher than my pregnancy weight, eight months into breastfeeding. That is the reality.

I already had this information somewhere in my mind. Some of my maternity overalls and clothes stopped fitting. But I think, like all of us with ED histories, I was hoping to be surprised by an acceptable number, even though everything in reality was pointing the other way.

So here’s where I’m at. My body has been through an ordeal (birth), and now I am literally keeping my baby alive with my body. But mentally? I feel like I should have lost the weight and be back in my pre-pregnancy body by now. Right. My ED brain is out, and as usual, she’s not operating in reality. Very typical of her.

I want to name it: I feel uncomfortable. A lot of that discomfort is physical, the sensation of not having many clothes that fit my current body. I’m also on the side of TikTok where women talk about the “postpartum uglies.” Yes, I’m tired and not wearing makeup. But I’ve grown enough to never refer to myself as ugly again.

So I saw my weight. I now have solid evidence of what I already knew: I’m in the largest body of my life.

What am I going to do about it? Absolutely nothing.

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